October 2004
A couple of weeks ago, I got tapped for jury duty.
Most people try to get excused, but I actually relish the opportunity to aid in the judicial process and pay my societal dues (plus possibly pick up a subject for a column). However, my enthusiasm waned when I got to the courthouse and began the interminable judicial waiting process.
By the time we were into our third hour, I was reduced to reading carb counts on discarded vending machine packages and notices on the bulletin board. One of the latter struck me as ridiculously simple and useless: “WARNING: it is against the law to carry firearms or explosive devices into this building.”
In the adjacent jail building, a sign cautions visitors that they are prohibited admission entrance whilst carrying, guns, knives, bombs, sealed packages, lock-picking devices, saber saws, cutting torches, etc. The thing that bothers me most is the fact that these signs have to be posted to inform us of what should be a bleedin’ obvious fact. Perhaps they need other signs, such as, “Clothes must be worn at all times in this building,” and “No parking in the lobby – use lot across the street.”
Before gun-carrying laws were liberalized, arrest was invoked for the carrying of a concealed weapon. Using American logic, that must mean that one can carry a .45 Colt strapped on one’s hip a la Wyatt Earp and get away with it, right?
“Well, I’m not real clear on that,” a policeman acquaintance said in answer to my query, “Technically, I guess you could, but if I were you I’d keep a lawyer’s phone number real handy!”
Despite the logic of carrying guns into commercial airports—especially amid the heightened security awareness—TSA officials at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport (which works in excess of 900,000 flights annually) still amazingly seize an average of one firearm a week… well, except last month, when they found three within one 24-hour period. Maybe more signs are needed.
What’s the difference between a sign on a fuel truck or a tank that reads, “Flammable” and one that reads, “Inflammable?” Well, as it turns out, both words mean “combustible, easily set on fire.” Sometimes you have to find that out the hard way.
There is some comfort in knowing that pilots tend to be a bit more law-abiding when it comes to signs. It’s part of our training to be watchful, and we know that almost all signs are there to protect us and our expensive machinery.
In the days before security was as serious as it is today, we often traveled to small airports to photograph aircraft for advertising. We usually spent several hours shooting the airplanes with models on a runup pad or taxiway, and once in a while photographed takeoffs or landings from the edge of a runway.
Every airport had a sign on the fence that read, “No unauthorized vehicles allowed.” Of course, no one ever knew who gave the dispensation, so we figured out that it was easier to get forgiveness than permission. On one occasion after we had been photographing for a little more than an hour, an airport car pulled up, its yellow rotating beacon flashing. “Didn’t you see the sign that no unauthorized vehicles are allowed on the field?” the driver asked.
“Oh, it’s okay,” one of my quick-thinking colleagues said, “we’re authorized.” The man thought about it for a few seconds before acquiescing to that logic, nodded his head in comprehension and said, “Well, okay, but you be careful,” as he drove away.
Some signs, however, are perfect without intention. Hung on the prop of a polished Cessna 140 I once saw on display at an airshow was a succinct, hand-lettered warning that included what appears to be a misused word. But it may simply have been a statement of the owner’s attitude: DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING THIS AIRPLANE VIOLATERS WILL BE PERSECUTED!
